Thursday, March 16, 2006

Vacation mindset

So, you know how everyone has that little voice inside their head telling them wrong from right? Well, I've been finishing up going through all of the bags of vacation purchases I made, and I realize that I have TWO such voices. One called Everyday Common Sense Flamingo, and one called Vacation Logic Flamingo. The two voices gave strikingly different advice in various shopping situations....and while I was in California, Vacation Logic Flamingo won out, time and time again.

Some cases in point:

Me: "Should I spend $2.99 apiece on these crappy cheap keychains of miniature surfboards painted with pictures of dolphins?"

Everyday Common Sense Flamingo: "Are you kidding me!? Seriously...there is a limit to how many keychains one person needs/can use. Plus, they're a total rip-off. I could whittle something nicer than that."

Vacation Logic Flamingo: "Are you kidding me!? Dolphins AND surfboards in ONE handy souvenir? Those are your two favorite things. How can you possibly pass that up? Look at how cute and miniature they are!"

Result: I own TWO such keychains now. PLUS a tiny toy Volkswagen bug, painted lime green, with a tiny miniature suitcase in the backseat and a dolphin surfboard hot-glued to the roof.

Me: "Look at all of these cute little slogan buttons here at Hot Topic. But they are $1.75 each! Should I get some?"

Everyday Common Sense Flamingo: "For christ's sake. $1.75 for that little piece of plastic and metal? No way. Plus, you have a Hot Topic at home. You could buy these any time. Save your money for something better."

Vacation Logic Flamingo: "Awww. This one says "Actually Guns DO Kill People." And this one says "Note to self: I'm rad!" and THIS one says "Friend Request DENIED!" Those are all too good. How can you not get these? Plus the "I was programmed to be this awesome" one has a picture of a cute cartoon robot. And it's gray, so it will totally look cute pinned to the $48 FIDM hoodie you bought at the place where you saw Joaquin's pants and that you now refuse to stop wearing because you think it makes you 'feel closer to Joaquin.'"*

Everyday Common Sense Flamingo: "Do you even WEAR buttons??"

Vacation Logic Flamingo: "You can start. Buy them. Buy them ALL! Mwah ha ha ha!"

Result: I spent $15 on buttons at Hot Topic. I currently have the "awesome robot" one pinned to my FIDM hoodie. Which I am wearing. Because it DOES make me feel closer to Joaquin. I have not yet worn any of the other buttons.

Me: "Should I buy this $2 tequila flavored sucker with a real worm inside of it?"

Everyday Common Sense Flamingo: "Um....NO. The only way you even LIKE tequila is if you slam a shot really fast and pretend not to taste it. What does this even have to do with California? You are never going to use this. Plus, worms are gross. Especially in suckers."

Vacation Logic Flamingo: "Dude, the second ingredient on the label is "Natural Insect Larva!" You SO need this. How can you not own a food product that has "Insect Larva" on the ingredient list?"

Result:

This is mine now.

Other inexplicable things I now own, thanks in huge part to Vacation Logic Flamingo: a picture of Richard Gere looking goofy in latex gloves, a t-shirt that says "Fame and fortune are around the corner" and comes packaged in a cute little Chinese take-out box**, roughly 27 postcards, a very special rubber ducky, and a lanyard that says "I [heart] California" over and over, but at one point it says "Jesus" for no reason...so I interpret it as "JESUS, I love California!" and it makes me laugh.



So, I kind of love Vacation Logic Flamingo. I'm going to miss her. I'll just have to plan vacations more frequently I guess.

*This is not an example in and of itself simply because Every Day Common Sense Flamingo also thought this was a great idea.

**This one wasn't entirely Vacation Logic Flamingo's fault. I also used the purchase of the shirt to validate parking.

3 Comments:

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

1) California does things to people. I actually bought a leopard-print purse from some dude at Venice Beach. True, it was for my then-girl, but I wouldn't have done that at any other time or place.

2) Last I checked, your name wasn't Dolphin Jones...?

3) One of my friends has more keychains than actual keys. All in a bunch. And of course, those are always the ones that people need you to hold in your pocket!

4) I wouldn't suck on that lollipop if I were you. I hear that the FDA allows a certain amount of insect parts in processed food. Yecch.

5) Jesus, I love California too!

March 16, 2006 11:12 PM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

"Last I checked, your name wasn't Dolphin Jones...?"

No...but like you said, California does things to people. that morning on the beach, I couldn't think of anything I liked MORE than surfers and dolphins.

I DID also buy a pair of flamingo flip-flops and a flamingo picture frame. So, rest easy. I won't be changing my fake name anytime soon. And I in no way consider those flamingo purchases to be frivolous, because they are FLAMINGOS. those are sacred and I can't justify NOT buying them.

March 16, 2006 11:54 PM  
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March 19, 2006 11:35 AM  

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