Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Funny Trades

Once the AP grabbed this story about the blogger with a paper clip and a dream, it's been big news. So you probably already know the story.

Yesterday I was bored and MacDonald's story inspired me to check out my local craigslist barter ads for cheap and easy entertainment. I was not disappointed. (oddly enough, when you have low expectations and you're easily amused, you're NEVER disappointed.)

Advertising for your ??

I can market your business to 7,000-10,000 Minnesota Men every month. This is no bull. Looking to barter for newer computers, guns, boats, fishing electronics, 4 wheelers, etc. Tell me what ya got, and I can tell you more what I can do for you.

I think that this is probably a highly successful prostitute, who is uncharacteristically "outdoors-y." Think Pretty Woman meets the Rod and Gun Club.

This next one is just sad. Poor bastard:

Wedding rings for ???

Hello. I have a set of rings from when we first got married in 1995. Solitare Diamond engagement ring less than a carat (.79?)size 6.5, woman's' comfort fit wedding band with lief jou carved inside (Afrikaans for love you)size 6.5, Mans' comfort fit wedding band size 9. All yellow gold. Paid $1700 in 1995 at Zales (so not top of the line goods...we were rich in love but cash poor). What is worth today and used? I have no idea. Willing to trade for gift cards, cash, or sectional (delivered!). Send your ideas, pictures, etc.
Now, just take a minute to reflect on the headline for this next ad. I think this is particularly poorly worded for an ad in a barter listing. I'll let you follow the link to the ad itself, because I think the headline is a lot funnier all by itself.

1 siameese kitten for my son please....

Then, when I got bored with Minneapolis trades, I branched out into other cities where I thought loads of entertaining crazy people might be lurking.

From NYC:

Barter math tutoring for massage

Professional tutor interested in exchanging math tutoring for massage from female certified massage therapist.
Sounds like the perfect set-up for a bad porn, to me.

I can DJ your event...in exchange for massage

Male looking for female massage Also, looking for some keyboards...controller..
I'm sensing a pattern here....

Photoshoot for Massage

You get pictures. I get a massage. Professional photographer with 14 years experience. I come to you or you come to my studio. I am a mid-30's male, will do whatever kind of photoshoot you need. Let's both save money!
It be super funny if the following guy was willing to trade his massage skills:

cialis wanted - about 10

From New Orleans:

This one is long and weird. So, I'll just post a little of it:

You Need a Real Friend?

I have NO FEES; I make my living BARTERING (or trading). FOR EXAMPLE: For 1 hour of my time I may ask you to bring me a bottle of shampoo --- OR a gallon of milk --- OR to wash my car.

At first, I thought it might be a prostitute too. But it's not. I don't think. Probably. I don't really know what it is, so you'll have to click the above link to read the whole ad.

From Atlanta:

This one is probably my personal favorite:

Beer Fund jar

I recently stopped drinking and have no need for a "Beer Fund" jar. Too many nights of blacking out and finding myself in compromising situations. Like the time I starting drinking in my apartment on Friday and woke up naked in Tijuana with no pants on Tuesday. Will consider trades for anything really. Make me an offer. Anything considered.

From Chicago:

one Rhett Miller concert ticket (4/20) for a lonely dude/dudette

So, my friend bailed on me after I got him a ticket to go see Rhett with me and now I have one extra ticket I need to get rid of. I'd rather trade it than sell, although I know it's kind of an awkward bargain since it's just one ticket and most people don't like going to shows alone. But... I'm hoping that the fact that alt. country usually attracts lonely, sad bastards that maybe this ticket will find a home before the show on Thursday. Offer me anything. You'll never know what I might like.
I think this one's especially funny because I'm going to see Rhett on Friday in Minneapolis. However, I don't consider myself to be a lonely, sad bastard. Plus, Rhett's solo stuff isn't really so alt-country. I think he's considered alt-pop or some other such nonsense.

Basically, what I've learned from this experience is that I should probably become a licensed massage therapist. Because then you can get a whole boatload (or a real boat) of free things that way, in every city imaginable.

Also, I may or may not be a lonely, sad bastard. Jury's still out.


Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

You do know that all of those ads are probably veiled ads seeking crystal meth, right? Oh wait, that's "party with Tina."

That math tutor wanting a massage, however, is impenetrably legit.

April 18, 2006 9:47 PM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

You know a suprising amount about crystal meth....

April 18, 2006 11:40 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I read a lot. About crystal meth.

Perhaps I should shut up now ;)

April 19, 2006 10:55 AM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

Sure...that's what they ALL say, Ian.

If you feel twitchy, don't freak out. They aren't REAL bugs.

April 19, 2006 11:28 AM  
Blogger Askinstoo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

April 19, 2006 3:23 PM  

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