Damn Lies

I hate fortune cookies sometimes. They're always so painfully optimistic and vague.

You are very wealthy, but you don't know it.
Or they're not even really fortunes at all....just awkwardly phrased less familiar proverbs.

No real excellence can be separated from right living.

They piss me off. Seriously.

I'd like helpful fortune for once. Something like:

You're going to spill Diet Coke all over yourself at dinner tonight. Don't wear white.

Or at least something specific that confirms my suspicions about life:

Yeah, you do kind of suck. Sorry.

Is that so much to ask?

Stupid fortune cookies. Grrr.