Saturday, August 20, 2005

Let's brew up a nice big pot of negativity....

Shall we?

Buckle up kiddies, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Things That I Hate Today
(a bullet-pointed list because, surprisingly, I do NOT hate bullet-points):
  • Tylenol. Because it is too damn slow and it makes my stomach feel funny.
  • Bullies. You know who you are. If you are a person who pushes around other people because they are too nice to say anything about it, be warned. I'm about at the point where I'm going to start randomly kicking you in the testicles (or punching you in the chest, if you're a girl. Asshole-itis is a gender-blind disease, I'm afraid). Call it karma.
  • Other drivers who are not me. If you drive like an idiot when I'm trying to get to work, please stop.
  • Other drivers who are not me who insist upon pulling trailers and boats and any number of other random bullshit attachments to prove that they are important and then use that as an excuse to be complete and utter ass-hats on the road. I hate you I hate you I hate you. I'm too nice of a person to give you the finger when you cut me off, but rest assured that I DO still hate you.
  • Cancer.
  • USA Today. What a fucking waste of trees.
  • Faux-hawks. Self-explanatory.
  • Faux-Liberals. Also self-explanatory.
  • That Fanta song. Fanta Fanta, don't you want a Fanta Fanta...If I ever snap and go completely insane and go around terrorizing the country-side, you can be damn sure that this was the trigger.
  • Coke Zero. I'm sorry, but it just tastes gross.
  • Remy Zero. For breaking up.
  • Swing Voters. That's right. You thought I'd forget about you. Bush's approval rating is tanking. We've always hated him, and the die-hard Republicans will always love him. So, WHO could possibly be the ones shifting? Swing voters. Why couldn't you lot have figured out that Bush was a piss-poor leader ten months ago and saved us all a lot of trouble? What, exactly, is he doing now that you don't like, that surprises you? Rising gas prices? Quagmire in Iraq? Nominating ass-hats to important major-decision-making positions? NONE OF THESE ARE NEW DEVELOPMENTS. You are idiots.
  • Provolone cheese. Like I need a reason. Back off.
I could go on all night, but I don't want to.

In summary:

Things I hate
: A lot of them.
Things I don't hate: Bullet-points. Lists. The word "ass-hats."

That is all.

10 Comments:

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I love reading what people hate!

Here's what I hate: going 3-10 in Scrabble. Just you wait :)

August 20, 2005 1:45 AM  
Blogger jenny said...

gotta love your karma jones :)

August 20, 2005 3:57 AM  
Blogger barn said...

Bullet-points are the new black. And I like Coke Zero, because I am weak. But I do hate everything else on this list.

August 20, 2005 11:17 AM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

Ian....just when I was going to add a post-script addition of "Lafayette, LA Employers" as a show of solidarity. Instead I guess I'll have to kick your ass at Scrabble again. :)

Jenny...in my next life, my pseudonym is going to be "Karma Jones."

barn...Give me regular old Diet Coke, or give me death. Liberty is pretty much a wash by now anyway.

August 20, 2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger jenny said...

cool. :)

August 20, 2005 4:52 PM  
Blogger wobbleboard said...

So, FJ, tell me again how much you like the new bypass? :)

Also, TAB soda is the shizznit and the others are just frontin'.

August 20, 2005 7:34 PM  
Blogger Zachary said...

You don't hate me do you? < /sad, dejected face>

August 21, 2005 7:03 AM  
Anonymous Zippy said...

Wow, birdy. I feel catharticized just reading that.

August 23, 2005 8:21 PM  
Blogger eRobin said...

I like the Fanta song!
Bullies, I hate.

August 25, 2005 2:06 PM  
Blogger Bananahead said...

I love the word "ass-hats". That's freaking awesome! I thought I'd heard/read every ass-whatever variation out there ... thanks for proving me wrong!

August 25, 2005 6:03 PM  

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