Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I could SO be an evil genius.

My random thought for the day:

If I were an evil genius super-villain in a comic, I'd be so awesome at it. I have this great plan to wreak havoc and mayhem and facilitate world domination. You know how every decent evil genius super-villain has some sort of cool and deadly world-ending gadget? I thought of a great one today.

If I were an evil genius super-villain in a comic, I would invent a special kind of cooling laser or generator that would eliminate friction on demand.

Think about it for a minute.

That would seriously fuck stuff up.

I'd start off small, just testing it in isolated areas. People would walking down the sidewalk then ZAP! The ground beneath their feet would suddenly feel like the smoothest ice imaginable and they'd all fall on their asses, BAM!

When I was ready for a larger-scale attack (POW!), there would be some significant mayhem to be created. Cars would swerve into things, and lots of stuff would stop working (I remember learning in Physics that friction is, like, totally important).

Then eventually, I'd have developed the capability to de-frictionize the whole planet with the push of a button. At that point, I could demand a huge ransom from world leaders in return for allowing them to keep their precious friction. MWAH HA HA HA!

Of course, I'd have to fend off a pesky superhero or two....but like all good evil genius super villains, I have enough hubris to believe that those worthless do-gooders could never touch me.

I'd have to come up with a better evil genius super-villain name though...."Flamingo" doesn't really inspire the kind of fear and intimidation that I'd be looking for.


(on a totally different random note: this is a good account of my high school band camp memories.)

16 Comments:

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I hear the name "Phizz" is now available. Other possibilities:

--Frictionary
--Slipslider
--Motion Fracture
--Free Shove
--Inertia Jones
--Banana's Lip
--Wavement
--The Slidewalk
--The Anti-Trot Twat (is this a porn comic?)
--The Spillin' Villain
--NASAhat
--The Ice Creamer
--Jane's No-Friction' (Theme song: "Been Caught Stealing--Your Footing!")
--Flamingo Other-Leg Folder
--That Evil Bitch Who Makes Us Fall

And could your laser be called? The Non-Friction Section, of course!

January 25, 2006 11:09 PM  
Blogger Michel said...

-- Smooth Operator
-- Slide Ruler
-- Dr. Zoom

January 26, 2006 2:42 AM  
Blogger divageek said...

Excellent superpower. All of mine are useless.

BTW, I could not follow the myspace link--it kept leading me to sign up to myspace instead of taking me to the blog.

January 26, 2006 9:36 AM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

(I think I fixed the link, Chuckie.)

Ian, do I seem like the kind of person who would be in a porn comic?

Wait...don't answer that.

I dig Frictionary and the Non-Friction Section a lot. I could be a librarian by day, evil genius super-villain by night.

I like Slide Ruler too though...damn. It's hard to choose.

January 26, 2006 9:53 AM  
Blogger HappyFunBall said...

Sorry, you can't have That Evil Bitch Who Makes Us Fall, that's my alter-ego. Not because I have any special powers/evil lasers, but because I trip people in the street.

January 26, 2006 10:52 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

Another thing to think about, a device of that sort could also eleminate the need for foreplay!! It's amazing what this flu medicine does for my thinking.

January 26, 2006 7:55 PM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

Wow, Nick...your fiancee is a lucky, lucky lady. :)

January 26, 2006 10:27 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I don't know, Nick...a little friction kinda helps in that area. As does a warmed-up lady.

January 26, 2006 11:30 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

Flamingo, I added your link on my site, that way I don't have to give Icon any unnecessary hits on his blog just you read your.

Hope you don't mind you name on the site of a "looney rightwinger."

By the way, what's the up north opinion of Green Bay's new coach? I think it was a shame Mike Sherman was fired after just one losing season.

January 27, 2006 6:36 AM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Nick, Flamingo and I have a running bet that you'll always bring up football. Pay up!

January 27, 2006 11:25 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

So why do I have to pay? If you bet against me bringing it up, you're not very bright. Football is about the only thing Flamingo and I can agree on. Besides, I'm curious to know if Wisconsineans (sp?) have any idea about the new coach's influence on Favre's future.

Saying I'm not going to talk about football is like betting that Ted Kennedy is going to go to a buffet and only eat a pack of crackers.

January 27, 2006 12:12 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 27, 2006 3:24 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Because there's a fine at Flamingo Jones for bringing up Ted Kennedy. Pay up!

January 27, 2006 3:25 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 27, 2006 3:29 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

Ok, then it's like betting on George Bush that he will correctly pronounce and enunciate every word in his State of the Union Address. Does that analogy work better on this site?

January 27, 2006 3:30 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

That's not fair, Nick! I can't make fun of you when you say that.

January 27, 2006 7:51 PM  

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