Friday, April 21, 2006


I've pin-pointed exactly what is wrong with the world. Sort of.

I thought that task would be a little more difficult than it was, but it was pretty simple, really. It only took me about 20 minutes.

I was recently at work, and after all the little hellions were asleep in bed, I started channel surfing. For some reason, when I'm getting paid to watch TV, I wind up watching things out of curiosity that I would never in a million years have on my OWN television.

This time it was The Simple Life: Interns. I've seen maybe two episodes of The Simple Life total. I've never watched an episode of the "Interns" season at all, so I'm not quite sure what the premise is. I assume that Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie travel the country (apparently by Greyhound Bus?) and take jobs as interns at various companies, where they work alongside actual hard-working, legitimately talented, interns and proceed to show them up.

The episode didn't start TOO bad. The girls found the family they'd be staying with. The family happened to have two baby orangutans, so a musical montage of shots with the girls and monkeys ensued, only vaguely hinting at beastiality.

But then the girls went to work. From what I could gather, they were supposed to create an ad for a new Burger King burger. They tormented their fellow interns, calling them bitches, and being cruelly derogatory in general. Then they came up with an idea for a tv commercial that was so horribly stupid, it was obviously intentional. Then they got shipped off to a nearby Burger King to do some "market research."

They don Burger King uniforms and commence acting like asses at the drive-thru window. They feign disappointment when no one takes them seriously, citing the fact that it's because they're so recognizable. So, to compensate, they put brown wigs and false teeth on, and begin shrieking into the mirror about how hideous they look.

It was at this point that my shift was over, so I didn't see the rest. I can only assume, based on the fact that Nicole and Paris are the producers of their own show, that they came up with an ad campaign everyone liked better than the REAL interns, and they were once again rewarded and fawned over for being stupid and mean. TA-DA!

I was so disturbed by the whole thing, that it bothered me the entire drive home. Forget nipples and teen sex parties....the FCC should be handing out major fines for THIS type of programming.

Now, I'm not NEW to the "Paris Hilton is pure evil" bandwagon. But I try to avoid this sort of pop culture, so I guess I've been somewhat sheltered. I didn't realize how BAD it was.

WHY would anyone WATCH this?

But we do watch it. We watch and we worship. It really just confirms so many of my suspicions.

Everyone can talk 'til they're blue in the face about how they like and respect nice, intelligent, sane women. But, in reality, what everyone REALLY wants are crazy little bitches.

That's right. I said it:

Crazy. Little. Bitches.

Crazy little bitches who act dumb. Please note that I did not say "crazy little bitches who ARE dumb," because I do not believe for one second that Paris, Jessica/Ashley Simpson, Lindsey Lohan, etc. are actually stupid. They're just smart enough to know that's the way to make the money and get the attention.

Smart women are intimidating. I get that. I don't know why it is, but for some reason "smart women" are a terror akin to poisonous snakes, suicide bombers and Adam Carrolla in a Speedo.

And let's face it....if you had to choose between an intelligent, challenging debate, or the equivalent of Paris Hilton looking you up and down and uttering a breathy "That's hot," I can predict with near certainty what everyone would choose.

And I'm not just talking about the men here (although y'all, in general, ARE a big part of the problem...sorry). Everyone seems to play an important role in the dumbing down of the American female. Men just plain old want them. As women, we want to be them. Or we at least want them to approve of us and be our friends. It's sick, and pervasive. The first time a girl tries playing a dumb, giggling, helpless sycophant, and is positively rewarded with attention for it, she's most likely lost. It's addictive, I guess.

Back in college, for one of my honors courses, we had a guest lecturer on feminist politics and the women's suffrage and women's rights movements. She was fascinating, and brilliant. (Is it any surprise then that she was also one of the most hated faculty members on campus?) At the end of her lecture, she had a Q & A, and I asked her if she thought there would be a woman President in my lifetime. She looked me square in the eye, with a chillingly pained expression, and answered simply "No, I don't. I'm sorry."

I'm beginning to believe her. Any woman who is intelligent, bold and articulate enough for the job, will be so demonized and vilified by the time she gets around to it, that it will be pointless for her to run. We'd probably have a better shot at seeing a Speedo-ed Adam Carolla in the West Wing.

Before everyone starts rationalizing with a chorus of "But,I'm not like that," remember that actions speak louder than words. As I often tell the boys at work when I'm chewing them out for something as a group: "If you aren't doing it, then you know I'm not talking to you." But I think we all need to be diligent in this regard. I, for one, vow to make my life a crazy little bitch free zone. I refuse to be one, I refuse to befriend one, I refuse to reward one, I refuse to give any attention to one, and I definitely refuse to spend any more valuable time allowing them into my home via the magic of television.


Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

The reason most men want vapid women is because it's less work for them and/or it assures the man (at least in his own mind) that he won't be shown up by her. Women want to be this way because they know it makes men like them.

The popularity of Paris Hilton proves a simple (yet disturbing) point: most Americans would rather be beautiful and financially secure than vital to society.

I don't like crazy little bitches either. Fortunately, I seem to have a natural filter against them.

April 21, 2006 10:30 AM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

A natural filter, huh?

Must be nice for you.

Oh, Ian. You make me laugh. "Laugh," not "giggle."

April 21, 2006 10:37 AM  
Blogger R said...

Vapid women are a huge turn-off for me. I mean, sure, a hot little body is attractive to me. I won't deny that.

But the instant something retarded comes out of that mouth, that just ruins everything.

It probably is easier to maintain some sort of relationship with stupid girls, but is it fulfilling? Not at all.

Intelligent discussion is hot. A woman with a brain melts my heart. Mmmmmm.

Too bad we've got too many fuckin' blonde, blue-eyed southern belles down here looking to marry into money and pump a future generation of NASCAR fans out their loins.

Bleagh. Get me outta here.

April 21, 2006 1:22 PM  
Blogger d said...

I was just talking about the objectification of women today. I saw a disturbing news clippit (I rarely watch the news, at least American Media) on pro-ana / pro-mia sites and just lost my mind.

Why would girls do this to themseleves?

then it hit me. Because jack-ass guys would rather scrog a brainless bimbo that looks like a corpse (or at least the mere appearence of a brainless bimbo), than a womyn who would challenge them intellectually.

But you tell the plastic princesses this and they think you're being an arse.

April 21, 2006 10:10 PM  
Blogger DEANBERRY said...


April 22, 2006 12:06 AM  

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