Everything I need to know, I learned from food poisoning,

I woke up last night sicker than I can remember being in a long time. It was a rough night. And a rough day. I can manage to be up and about for roughly 5 minutes before I have to collapse in an exhausted heap....so, I'm going to type fast.

The best guess as to what is currently making me wish I was dead seems to be food poisoning, or salmonella poisoning. It's....unpleasant.

I have learned a few things though:

• When your body is trying to reject poison, you will vomit with such force that blood vessels will burst in your face, making you look like a circus freak.
• It's entirely possible to subsist on nothing but 10 pieces of finger jello.
• The best (but most unrecognized) feeling in the world is "not throwing up."

There are probably more, but it's about time to collapse again.