Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Things that make you go barf.

First off, I had a random and totally nauseating thought upon waking this morning, and I decided to share it with the class. Misery loves company.

Also, Britney Spears is pregnant by K-Fed again.

So, with her in the market for another baby name, Angelina Jolie ready to pop any day now, and God knows how many other celebrity babymamas cranking out kids, there's going to be a big need for a lot of crazy whacked out names for celebrity babies.

Lucky for them, I've been keeping a list of names that will look awesome on a future mugshot, or on the Child Protective Services paperwork.

Grab 'em quick before Gwyneth Paltrow and Katie Holmes snag all of them.

  • Snapple (OK, I was actually saving this one for Gwyneth herself, until she brought forth a boy child from her womb.)
  • Twizzler
  • Hoboken (nickname Hobo)
  • Aspartame
  • Porridge
  • Rickets
  • Charlie Brown
  • Five
  • Gong Show
  • Berlin
  • Hokey and Pokey (in case of twins)
  • Sucrose
  • Lord of the Rings
  • Lexmark
  • Flava
  • Lizard Breath (a rockstar's kid, obviously)
  • Florescent
  • PG
  • Analog
  • Bait
  • Taupe
  • Belgium
  • Spoon
  • Median
  • Punky Brewster
  • Stamp
  • Gorp (for the faux-granola celebs)
  • Diamond
  • Zirconium (for the B-listers)
  • Candle
  • Cherubim
  • Thrombosis
  • Granule
  • Lorax
  • Blog
You get the picture. I got a billion of 'em. Do you think I could get a job just naming celebrity babies? I'd be awesome at it.

P.S. Incidentally, when I did a spell-check, the spell-checker couldn't recognize half of the words. I think that's how you tell a celebrity baby name is REALLY good.

P.P.S. I'm now adding "Spell-Checker" to my list of celebrity baby names.


Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

Oh yeah, I also forgot "Hemi."

April 26, 2006 3:34 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I'm totally naming my first kid Sucrose if its a boy and Sucralose if it's a girl (she can go by Splenda for short.) Thank you for saving me a lot of time and effort!

April 26, 2006 4:14 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Think of it. Jesus Lizard McGibboney!

I'm getting neutered.

April 26, 2006 4:34 PM  
Blogger Flamingo Jones said...

CMB, imagine if you had twins!

I dunno, Ian. For you, I'm kind of partial to Median and Blog McGibboney. You could totally pull that off.

April 26, 2006 4:39 PM  

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