Monday, October 31, 2005

We are the champions, my friends....

this is an audio post - click to play

Happy Halloween

So, I'm totally psyched about today. Because I work. Which makes no sense, I know.

But, the teenagers I work with are really getting into the Harry Potter-themed costumes and decorations I'm doing with them. We have 6 boys and 2 of us staff working tonight, so we have a Harry Potter, Ron Weasly, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Professor Snape, a Dementor, Hermione Grainger, and Professor Trelawney. It's adorable. It's so funny (and oddly rewarding) to see a bunch of street-hardened, thuggish, teen boys getting excited about dressing up in Harry Potter costumes. I always liked working holidays with these kinds of kids. So many of them had no childhood to speak of, so it's wonderful to see them get to re-live what they may have missed out on. It's days like these that make me love my job. I think my enthusiasm actually has a lot to do with the boys' level of enthusiasm. For those of you Teach For America survivors, one phrase popped into my head yesterday thinking about that: "I make the weather in my Treatment Center."

Even when Daylight Savings is utterly and completely kicking my ass.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Mobility Rules

Posted over the phone. Edited via my cellphone's mobile web. Technology rocks.

Listen to the latest breaking news about ketchup bottles, record stores (or the lack thereof) and my latest brief escape from sanity.

this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, October 28, 2005

Random Ten: Mobile edition

I'm not at my home computer. I'm at my alma mater, on my college department chair's computer. So my Random Ten is only based on the 400 songs or so that I have on my iPod Nano.

Here goes.

1. First Suite in E Flat--(as composed by) Gustav Holst
2. Well that was easy--Franz Ferdinand
3. Polly--The Long Blondes
4. One of these things first--Nick Drake
5. Bombs Away--Paris Texas
6. Vive La Difference--Portobella
7. Loser A Go-Go--Krush u.k.
8. I will survive--Gloria Gaynor
9. Soul meets body--Death Cab for Cutie
10. So here we are--Bloc Party.

But what I'm actually listening to on this computer is much more random. Check out The Current. It's rocking my world.

I am not surprised.

So, no Rove indictment.

I'm not surprised.

They tell us, "maybe later."

But even the smallest child knows that when you want something, and an authority figure tells you "maybe later," this really means "NO," but they just want to postpone having to see your pouty disappointed face for a while.

I've said all along that Rove probably won't see any negative consequences for his unethical actions. That's just the way our government runs now. God Bless America, and no where else.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I love baseball....but this was ridiculous.

I just watched game 3 of the World Series for 6 hours. SIX hours.

I can't do ANYTHING for six hours straight.

But it's all over now. And the White Sox won. With a lot of help from my pretend-boyfriend A.J. Pierzynski. Video available here. I can't help it. I'm just so gosh darn proud of him!

But the White Sox don't owe their win to A.J. Or even to Geoff Blum, who hit the winning run.

No, the White Sox owe this win to me and Ian McGibboney. With our combined horrible luck (see last Sunday's Packers and Saints scores for evidence of this), we've decided it's best to throw 110% of our support behind the Houston Astros (just listen to how enthusiastically Ian supports the Astros! That's the key to this whole thing.) And it seems to be working as expected.

It's kind of hard to tell if that's a good thing, or a bad thing, really.

And speaking of music....

Barn of barn's blog has officially declared the First Annual Great Blogger MixCD Exchange open!

I'm psyched. I like music, and I like the post office. So, the same goes for me. You want a cd, email me your snail mail or request mine. You will not be sorry.


Monday, October 24, 2005

Tuesday Totally Predictable Twenty-Five

So, I totally dropped the ball on the Friday Random Ten. Sorry.

To make up for it, I'll do this are the songs on my iPod/iTunes 25 Most Played playlist. It's not very exciting...I should warn you.

1. Ice Cream--The New Young Pony Club
I imagine that this is number 1 because I play it in my car A LOT. It just fits my car really well...if that makes any sense. I love this song. It's probably my favorite song of the past year, so it makes sense that it's #1.

2. They'll Soon Discover--The Shins
OK, this one I don't understand quite as well. I mean, I like it. But I just don't think that I play it that often. It's from the SpongeBob Squarepants movie soundtrack. I mostly like it because you hear seagulls at the beginning. I really like seagulls. This is probably the most unapologetically happy song you're going to find on the list.

3. Such Great Heights--Iron & Wine
Great cover off of the Garden State soundtrack. It makes you want to fall in love. Perhaps with Zach Braff.

4. Callin' Out--Lyrics Born
Yup. The Adrien Brody Diet Coke commercial song. This also sounds great in my car. And since I spend so much time in my car driving to work, or home from work, or from work to work, it makes sense that it's on the list.

5. Hey--Pixies
My favorite Pixies song. Mostly because I like guitars and the word "whores."

6. Such Great Heights--The Postal Service
Yes, I do really love this song. It's probably my second-favorite love song. This original version also makes you want to fall in love. And dance. But not necessarily in that order.

7. We Will Become Silhouettes--The Shins
Another Postal Service cover. I love it. Maybe more than the original. When James Mercer sings that he's got "a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water and pictures of you" and he's "not coming out until this is all over," you know he means business.

8. Ghost White Flowers--The Tease
This wins my award for sexiest song that contains the words "antibiotics" and "mother." The song is hot. But I don't know why. Here's the fluxblog post where I originally downloaded the song...unfortunately, you can't access the download site anymore, but you can read about it. If anyone wants a copy of it, let me know. Maybe if you're nice to me, I will make you a lovely mixed cd featuring this awesome, awesome song.

9. Where Is My Mind?--Pixies
More Pixies. There doesn't need to be a reason.

10. Bloodletting--Concrete Blonde
"I've got the ways and means to New Orleans..." Well, not anymore...but it's a nice thought. I love this song because it was the first song we heard our good friends Insanetuary play during their very first gig, at the Rock N Bowl in New Orleans. Lovely memories, those.

11. Angel--Ellis
This song is definitely a definitive Flamingo song. If you have never heard it, listen to it on MySpace.

12. New Slang (live)--The Shins (featuring Iron & Wine)
I like this live version better than the studio version. One of my favorite songs.

13. Divorce Song--Liz Phair this one occasionally goes on repeat when I've gotten my heart broken. That's all. Also, I like to sing along with Liz in the car.

14. Fuck and Run--Liz Phair's not too surprising that this one showed up next, because it usually winds up in a playlist that consists of Divorce Song and Fuck and Run alternating over and over. and over. and over. and over.

15. Title and Registration--Death Cab for Cutie
Another "I'm so heart-broken" favorite of mine. Good lord, this list is getting depressing.

16. Reach--Freshwater Collins
When I got the new Freshwater Collins CD like a month ago, I played it over and over and over for a long period of time. So it's no surprise if my favorites wind up on this list.

17. Televised Breakdown--Freshwater Collins
See? Told you.

18. I La La Love You--Pixies
Another favorite. Simple, but fabulous. This makes me happy.

19. Lost Along the Way--Freshwater Collins
Yup. Them again.

20. Power Changing Hands--Freshwater Collins
Like I said...I listened to the cd A LOT.

21. Here Comes Your Man--Pixies
Do you see now why this post is called Tuesday Totally Predictable Twenty-Five? I once got a mixed cd, and this was the first song. That was awesome.

22. Princes and Princesses--Ellis
I'm not a lesbian, but I sing like one in my car sometimes. Ellis says she wrote this song after a period in her life when she repeatedly made the mistake of dating straight women. Yet, as a straight women who strictly dates straight men, I still identify with the struggle against the pressures of societal gender roles. I'm a very non-traditional person. I cannot count the number of times in the past 3 years that I have been driving in my car and felt just the slightest twinge (or a big fucking twinge) of sympathetic bitterness as she sings:

"And I’ll date other people, and you’ll find serenity,
And maybe we’ll meet in the middle, in this wonderful fantasy
But really time will pass, and all will be good
You’ll marry somebody special and build a house in your parents' neighborhood
I don’t begrudge you this sort of thing,
I guess I just don’t want to be the center of all your suffering
So I’ll be on my way to my own dream land
where the princes and the princesses both know where they stand."

That's brilliant, I think. You can listen to at least part of it here.

23. Housedown--Freshwater Collins
I mostly like that in this playlist, Ellis' serene and subtle bitterness is followed up with Chris from FWC growling "I'm gonna burn your house down, for the way you put me out." Perfect.

24. Lonely Holiday--Old 97s
I'm actually surprised that more Old 97s songs didn't wind up on here. But now that I think about it, I usually listen to those on the original cds in my car. And my iPod is smart....but not that smart. But I'm glad that this song made it, because it is also a definitively Flamingo song. This song is very, very me. Download it here.

25. Nothing Better--The Postal Service
OK...another heart-break song from Ben Gibbard. Except this one has a beat you can almost dance to. Which is kind of a fitting way to end the playlist, I think.

There you have it. More information on my listening habits than you've ever wanted to know! Fun, huh?

Sunday, October 23, 2005

"Think about baseball."

That never works for me though. Because, to be honest, baseball kinda turns me on. Just a little.

Too much information, I know.

I only mention it because in a weekend (or really a month. Or two.) full of nothing but metaphorical sewage, the one good thing that happened to me today was Game 1 of the World Series.

The White Sox won. It was glorious. But, I'm normally not a White Sox fan. I'm only a fan because their catcher is A.J. Pierzynski. The same A.J. Pierzynski who used to catch for the Twins.

This is how I know that the White Sox are going to win.

Last year, the Red Sox won. I firmly believe they won because they had recently acquired former Twins 1st-baseman Doug Mientkiewicz. And my boy Doug caught the ball that caused the out that won the game that won the series. (and then he refused to give said history-making ball to the team, causing major turmoil.)

Back in college, I used to go to a LOT of Twins games. Especially the Spring of my Senior year. And that year, Doug Mientkiewicz was my 2nd favorite player. My favorite player is, was, and always will be, A.J. Pierzynski.

I have an unholy love for A.J. Pierzynski. I can't explain it. But I like catchers. And A.J.'s quietly (and sometimes not-so-quietly) controversial. Also good. And he's totally sexy in a not-quite-traditional sense of the word. Which is perfect.

When he got traded to the Giants, I was despondent for a few days. But then I took action. I took EBAY action. I bought up every bit of A.J. Pierzynski-as-a-Twin merchandise I could afford.

I have an A.J. Pierzynski jersey. I have an A.J. Pierzynski bobble-head. I have an A.J. Pierzynski autograph. I have A.J. Pierzynski baseball cards. And most of all, I have A.J. Pierzynski dreams....but those came free.

So, last year, I got to watch Doug Mientkiewicz win the World Series. And now, I'm convinced I'm going to get to watch A.J. Pierzynski win the World Series.

Just not for my beloved Minnesota Twins.

I think this is akin to God taking Moses up to the mountain-top to look at the promised land from a distance, and then telling him that's all he gets.

But I think I'm more desperate for good news than Moses ever was....even after wandering in the desert for 40 years.

So, the jokes on God. I'll take what I can get, and be damn happy with it.

Or, at least, the closest approximation to "damn happy" I can muster.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

For those of you who like a good metaphor as much as I do:

This is a fairly good physical representation of how my life is going.

I cannot even remember the last time I skinned my knee. Nor did I remember how goddamned bad it hurts when you do. I swore a lot this time, though.

Like I said. It's a good metaphor.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Life is looking up.

I scored tickets to see Bill Clinton at Northrop Auditorium on November 5th. I am psyched.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Flamingojones Trivial

I worked overnight again. I came home and slept for about 3 hours, and I'm about to leave for another job in a few minutes. But I wanted to post something.

I was going to post something about the gruesome suicide of SNL alum Charles Rocket. (Seriously, how hard-core do you have to be to slit your own throat?!? I mean, it's HARD to slit a throat. Not that I would know from personal experience. I just read it in a book one time.) But I'm afraid pretty soon I'm going to have to change the title to The Bad News Blog.

But then I was glancing at the blog stats, and I saw that someone had used the Blogger search engine to search for "Flamingojones trivial." I don't know what that means exactly...but it reminded me of the true spirit of Blog-mas. At least around here. Which is trivial, pointless, mindless blogging about things that have no bearing on anything in particular but are unexplainably entertaining (or entertainingly unexplainable) anyway.

Unfortunately, I have none of those things.

So, let's talk about my Halloween costume instead. Now, I work on Halloween Night proper...and I have to dress up with the boys for our Harry Potter theme (which WILL win first place, because I am in charge of it), so I think I'm going to be Emma Thompson's character Trelawney the psychic, from Prisoner of Azkaban.

BUT, my alma mater's Homecoming is Halloween weekend, so I can dress up for that too. And I can't decide what to be. Possibilities:
  • Music Pirate--pirate hat, eye patch, sword, general pirate garb, but with a sash made of CD-Rs, and my iPod.
  • (and speaking of iPods) an iPod silhouette--all black clothes, black face paint, black wig, black sunglasses, iPod
  • Flamingo--pink clothes, maybe a tutu, pink wig, lots of feathers, some sort of beak, I guess. Surprisingly, I've never been this before. But my neighbor in Louisiana was, when she was inspired by my inexplicable obsession.
  • Something else cool. But I don't know what.
What are your thoughts?

In other trivial news, Friday night I went to see Last Comic Standing great (and Minnesota native) Dave Mordal. The opening act was a hilarious and highly unique female comic named Mary Mack. You should keep an eye out for her. She'll be big someday, I hope. Or maybe I hope she just stays medium I have more opportunities to see her.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I hate the news. I hate the world.

This is a lovely way to greet the day on this lovely Sunday morning.

We've made the national news again.
OSSEO, Wisconsin (AP) -- A bus carrying 60 high school students home from a band competition collided with a semi truck early Sunday, killing at least five people, officials said.

"The coroner is still on the scene," said Brent Pickard, a spokesman for the state transportation agency in Eau Claire.

The students from Chippewa Falls High School had been at a competition at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater. The crash happened shortly after 2 a.m. on Interstate 94, west of Osseo in the west-central part of the state, he said.

This is the school district I work for. This is so awful, I'm in no emotional state to even think about the ramifications. My cousin is in that band. No one has heard anything. But I'm just going to assume that she was in one of the other buses.

Those goddamn semi trucks are getting ridiculously dangerous on the roads. They scare the hell out of me on a regular basis. Things like this hardly ever happened before Reagan deregulated the trucking industry.

I hate Republicans. That's random, I know. But I've spent my whole life trying not to hate anyone. They've now officially fucked that up for me. I hate them and I hold them personally responsible for making the world the way it is. Which is complete shit by now.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, that explains a lot about my social life.

I've had so many post ideas the past couple days....but by the time I get home, I'm too tired to write about any of them. So......sorry, everybody. Maybe someday I'll get them on here.

But here's one I can't resist, even if it is contributing to my increasingly apparent sleep-deprivation.

Trying to keep myself from falling asleep and drooling all over myself at work today, I was flipping mindlessly through my latest Premiere magazine. One ad did catch my eye.

It was a 1/3 page ad for "Diamond Right Hand Rings." It promised me that "whether a woman is a passionate debater or an outgoing storyteller, incredibly poised or incredibly funny, there's a Diamond Right Hand Ring to match her personality."

Well now, that was a challenge that I could not refuse. Those of you who know me, even moderately well, already know why this ad was hilarious to me. For the rest of you, keep reading.

The ad offered me the opportunity to take a Ring personality test at So, as soon as I got home tonight, I logged on. Here were the questions I was met with:
It would totally ruin my day if...
1) I got home to find I'd had spinach stuck in my teeth since lunch-time.
2) I misplaced my make-up bag, and had to go a day without it.
3) I didn't have time to accomplish even half the things I'd planned on.
4) I ran into a friend on a night when I told her I was out of town.
Well, since things like "a juvenile delinquent tried to punch me," "I can't afford to put more than $5 worth of gas in my car at a time," and "I think I've lost so much sleep that I may be hallucinating on a regular basis" are not options, I chose #3. Even though I'm pretty sure the unfinished things the test-writer refers to are probably manicures, power-lunches, and cocktail parties. Maybe I was just crabby from being tired, but right off the bat this question made me sort of hate my entire gender. THIS is why I could never be a lesbian. On to the next question.
For a vacation, I am most likely to...

1) Pour over the guidebooks in advance to make the most of each day
2) Go back to my favorite place, where I know I'll have a lovely time
3) Take off to any place I could get the best last-minute deal
4) Go somewhere fun with great nightlife and even better shopping.
On this one, I was confused from the start, because my brain is no longer able to decode the word "vacation." But "last-minute" and "deal" sound familiar, so I went with #3 again.
At a dinner-party, I am...

1) The passionate debater, discussing an issue with the person next to me
2) The hostess, making sure that everything goes perfectly
3) The storyteller, always seeking to entertain
4) The listener, soaking in all the interaction and intrigue
That's an easy one. #1, of course. The only problem is that, typically, the "issue" I'm passionately debating is the evilness of the diamond industry. Oops. This is a bad sign for the rest of this quiz. Things can only go downhill from here.
The best part of love is...

1) When you realize that this could be forever
2) Never knowing what's going to happen next
3) That first steamy glance across a crowded room
4) When your separate lives click into place together.
Hmmm. This is a bit like asking me "What is Santa Claus's favorite food?" When the basis of the question is theoretical at best, and fictional at worst, it's kind of hard to choose the right answer. So, I picked #2, because "never knowing what's going to happen next" is one of the best qualities of any fictional story.
I've found the "Right Man" if he...

1) knows how to make me feel adored
2) Gives me the right amount of space
3) Has a set of goals that are compatible with mine
4) Knows just what to say when I'm feeling frazzled.
Great. More Santa Claus questions. #1 = puke. #2 = Hell, I don't even know what the right amount of space is! #3 = Seemingly impossible. #4 = Well, no, that would be kind of OK, actually. #4 it is. Next!
If I were a super-hero, my main power would be...

1) Multi-tasking at the speed of light
2) Staying poised no matter what gets thrown in my way
3) Being able to make anybody laugh, guaranteed
4) A dazzling smile that can weaken men's knees
Um...I want to fly. That's all. And that's a pretty standard super-power, so why the hell isn't it a choice? This is a bad fucking test. But, #3 is the next best thing.
If I won a gift certificate to a clothing store, I'd buy...

1) A few classic, versatile items to fill in the gaps in my wardrobe
2) A gorgeous designer evening dress
3) A sexy top, a hot pair of jeans and a whole lot of lingerie
4) A cool funky bag that goes with everything.
Honestly, I'd probably buy Christmas presents for other people. But since, once again, my choice is not an option, I went with #4.
I love wearing diamonds because...

1) They never go out of style
2) They symbolize love and relationships
3) They sparkle so brightly you can't take your eyes off them
4) They're unique, rare, and mysterious about "The profits from my diamond purchase go toward supporting my favorite African warlords"?

Houston, we have a problem. I can't even fake an answer to this one, because I DON'T love wearing diamonds. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing them, or contributing to the diamond industry in any way. Since the test won't let me leave the question blank, I just said #1.

According to my score, I am "Clearly Confident":
Intelligent and self-reliant, you're rightly proud of your ability to accomplish goals. You're like the color green--remarkably balanced, in perfect harmony. blah blah blah.
Then they offered me a wide array of gaudy ugly-ass rings to match said personality.

But I think their test is a scam. They promised me that there is a Diamond Right Hand Ring to fit every personality. But there doesn't seem to be a perfect Diamond Right Hand Ring for the "I hate Diamonds" personality. Weird.

As a practicing feminist, I can sort of appreciate the effort to market a "Right Hand Ring" in the first place. They have a slogan that says "My left hand says: I love you. My right hand says: I love me, too." So, that's a step in the right direction, I guess.

But here's the thing. For me, both of my hands say: I love myself enough not to need sparkly baubles on either hand to prove my self-worth to anyone, especially myself. I'm a responsible and informed global citizen who doesn't want to contribute to any of the negative effects diamond mining and sales have on my less-fortunate global neighbors.

But somehow, I think that's a trend that's going to take a lot longer to catch on than the "Diamond Right Hand Ring."

Oh well. It makes for more fun debate at dinner parties, I suppose.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Jesus H. Christ, it's Friday again?

Friday Random Ten

1. Winding Road--Bonnie Somerville
2. Orange Crush--R.E.M.
3. The Blower's Daughter--Damian Rice
4. Broken Face--Pixies
5. Smokers--Old 97s
6. You Owe Me an IOU--Hot Hot Heat
7. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You--Colin Hay
8. Helicopter--Bloc Party
9. I Love This Town--Nanci Griffith & Jimmy Buffett
10. No Regrets--The Von Bondies

Eh. I'm unexcited about this mix today. I dunno. All the songs are good...but they're weird together. The Von Bondies made a noble effort there at the end to get me excited with my favorite song of theirs...but to no avail. Bummer.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

10 points for originality, maybe?

this is an audio post - click to play

"I love Deadlines."

"I like the whoosing sound they make as they fly by."

That's one of my favorite Douglas Adams quotes, I think. You know, his publishers used to have to literally lock him in a room sometimes to get him to finish writing a book.

But that's beside the point.

I find myself in a a couple of very deadline-focused situations lately.

I'd like to participate in a Holiday Art Show I've been invited to contribute to....but that is going to require me to have a minimum of 10 sell-able pieces of art completed and framed by November 1st. I have a grand total of NONE finished right now. I have one half finished, and 3 or 4 ideas that can quickly be implemented. But that still leaves me with at least 5 more to go.

Also, I'm currently planning on attending grad school somewhere next fall. I don't know what makes this year any different from the other 3 years that I was planning on applying to grad schools...but it feels different this time, like I might actually do it. But, that requires me to do an awful lot of work between now and December 15th, the earliest program deadline I'm looking at. Madison and Minneapolis are my first choices, obviously. Because, a) I'm already here, and b) they both guarantee to PAY ME to go there, if I'm accepted. Both good reasons. But if anyone else knows of good Political Science Ph.D. programs, let me know. I still haven't decided where all to apply.

This is in addition to working 3 jobs that leave me utterly exhausted on a regular basis, mentoring yet another troubled kid, and trying to write stuff that isn't this.

It's a good thing I don't sleep that much at night.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Yesterday (In New Bullet-Point Format!):

(This post was originally supposed to be titled "Today," but a rare Firefox glitch ate my post just as I was finishing it. I was too tired to rewrite it last night, so now it'll just be "a day late and a dollar short," as my grandmother used to say. Also, it will no doubt be less funny than the original. Because things are typically not as funny the second time around. Anchorman being the obvious exception.)

  • Was, most importantly, John Lennon's 65th birthday. Like every other fan, I too try to imagine what my favorite Beatle would have been like now, had he survived to see retirement age. Lots of killjoys like to try to convince me that he would have gotten more Conservative over the years. I think that's bullshit. John Lennon would no more agree with the way things are going now than he did 35 years ago. Let my liberal heroes rest in peace, people. Please.
  • Saw the Packers finally realize that they are a football team, and score enough touch-downs to retroactively make up for their previous four losses. I'm sorry that it came at the expense of the New Orleans Saints, I really am. I usually cheer for the Saints, when they're not playing the Packers. But it's sort of like when you're stranded in the desert, dying of thirst. You will drink anything. And it will taste damn good on your parched lips. It's totally like that. And, we have a bye week this week, so our jubilation can continue for a while. So, Happy Brett Favre Day everybody!
  • Was the 3rd consecutive weekend in a row I've had to work (and I have two more to go yet before I get a weekend off). I got suckered into playing yet another board-game with the kids. "Imaginiff." It's a game where you answer questions about people you all know, like "Imaginiff Flamingo were a color. What color would she be?" Then you get 6 choices. It's an odd game. It's even odder to see how other people perceive you. For instance, one of the questions about me was "if Flamingo were a crime, which crime would she be?" The choices were Vagrancy, Homicide, Shoplifting, Corporate fraud, Unsafe lane change, or Indecent exposure. One of the kids playing did his thinking out loud. "Well, I can imagine you doing any of those things, except Vagrancy or Indecent exposure." He couldn't decide between Homicide and Corporate fraud. Humph. I asked him if he even knew what Corporate fraud meant. His reply: "Martha Stewart." That's not much of a story, I know. But I just find it hard to believe that people could imagine me as homicide or theft of any kind. But whatever. I'm not bitter.
  • Also saw me take the boys from work to see War of the Worlds at the dollar theater. I hated this movie the first time around, and I hated it even worse the second time. Being eaten by aliens would be too good of a fate for Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning, I think.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Why I hate the game of Life.

(I hate the game of life both literally and metaphorically....but for the sake of posting expediency, in this case I'm only referring to the literal board game.)

At work, sometimes we play board games with the delinquents. One of their favorites is Simpsons Life. Which is fine. Except that I hate that fucking game.

I hate the game because I suck at it. Repeatedly. This probably says something about me on some metaphorical level as well....but I refuse to think about that.

I also get resentful at having to pick up a blue peg husband along the way, who really contributes nothing to the relationship. Not to mention how pissed off I get when I'm saddled down with those little baby pegs in the backseat. They also contribute nothing to my Life other than an increased cost for home insurance.

Depending on the kids I'm playing against, sometimes I can get away with convincing them that it's kosher by Life rules for me to sell my peg babies for $25,000 each on the Springfield black market. Kids are gullible. And lazy. They don't want to read the rules for themselves.

Friday, October 07, 2005

The Agony and the Irony

I love ironic headline placement.

Case in point, a story about this year's Nobel Peace Prize winner (which was an excellent choice, I think):

Followed up with some headlines about how much we want to spend on wars, how many marines are dying today, and something about that Osama fella that no one seems to care about any more.


Also, a video of Katie Couric getting a breast exam? Is that supposed to be news or titillating? Because it's not really either. I'm glad she wants to promote health awareness....but I don't really want to see any more of her personal medical procedures.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

It's barely Friday. But that still counts.

Friday Random Ten.

In a very particular order.

1. Tin Cup Chalice--Jimmy Buffett
2. Clark Gable--The Postal Service
3. Blinding Sheets of Rain--Old 97s
4. New Slang (live)--The Shins featuring Iron & Wine
5. Lovesong--Ellis
6. Twisted Roads--Ellis (two Ellis songs in a row! I love randomness.)
7. Reach--Freshwater Collins
8. If I Had No Loot--Tony! Toni! Tone! ( about a blast from the past!)
9. Callin' Out--Lyrics Born (yes, I DID say "heeeeey Brody!" just for fun.)
10. Ice Cream--New Young Pony Club

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Not what I intended....

I had actually intended to post something of substance. It was all planned out in my head.

But then I got sidetracked by the siren song of the haiku. Again.

Weird, isn't it?

I'll try to have something other than haiku soon enough. I swear.

Until then, enjoy the trash-talking competitive haiku-athon going on in this thread.

Because I'm sadistic, twisted and egotistical...

Here are a few of the several dozen haiku I wrote today (er...yesterday, I guess). I'll put my favorite one first so you actually read it, because I imagine the odds of anyone making it through a whole post of haiku are pretty, pretty slim.

Harriet Miers
says Bush is a brilliant man.
But she is no judge.

Analogy fun:
If FEMA was a birdy,
it'd be an ostrich.

Bath-time is no chore.
I am easily amused:
bubbles make me glad.

Fuck. Where are my shoes?
They're not where I remember.
Where are my shoes? Fuck.

Painted the bathroom.
The ceiling still looks like crap.
My knee's sore for naught.

Kids are loud and mean.
But I pretend to like them.
Fourteen bucks an hour.

Small Capitalists
like to play Monopoly.
I like Candy Land.

And the last one goes with this photo I took at work a while ago.

Building number three.
Home to a sleepy green frog.
4's too angular.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

And now to prove that I'm NOT an idiot:

A regular haiku-haiku about my day:

Weather here is muggy
The Packers lose ev'ry game
Makes me so cranky

I'm in a haiku-writing mood. But not serious haikus. Serious haikus are of my favorite professors said that "Haikus are found, not written." So, there'll be none of that.

But I like writing stupid ones that are haikus only by the 5-7-5 definition. I think today, I will write as many stupid haikus as possible. That sounds like a good goal for the day. Yeah.

Grrrr: a non-haiku haiku about my day

Boy, am I crabby today. Wow.

The Packers lost last night. Again. By 3.

So, the past three games they've lost by 2, 1 and 3.

Almost nothing makes me crankier than false hope falling flat.

Plus, it's like super hot and humid here today.

Which is perhaps the only thing that makes me crankier than false hope.

PLUS we're supposed to get the first snowfall later this week.

And I'm currently trying to decide if premature snowfall is going to make me MORE crabby or LESS crabby.

I figure it's a lose-lose situation, either way.

So at least I don't have any false hope about the situation.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Life Imitating Art.

If you consider "Super Troopers" art.

Which I do. Because I love Super Troopers, and Broken Lizard.

And that's immediately what I thought of when I saw this story on Boing Boing.

You know how in Super Troopers they find all the drugs with the picture of the little cartoon monkey guy?

Seems familiar, no?

I just hope the federal agents involved have seen Super Troopers, so that the humor is not lost on them. Although I think having humor lost on them is one of the things federal agents do I won't hold my breath.

But I, for one, will now be playing The Cat Game at work today in honor of this super Super Trooper connection.

I see a pattern emerging....

We have our next Supreme Court nominee.

This morning, Bush announced Harriet Miers as his choice to replace Sandra Day O’Conner on the Bench.

So, he DID choose a woman to replace O’Conner. The second time around. But I’m sure you’ll all forgive me if my ovaries don’t start aching with feminist pride just yet.

I don’t trust Bush administration women all that much. And this one probably won’t change my opinion any.

[Andrew] Card, in a 2003 interview with the publication Texas Lawyer, said Bush’s affinity for Miers is clear in the frequent invitations she receives to visit the presidential retreat at Camp David, “a privilege that is not enjoyed by a lot of staff.”

“She’s a quiet, highly respected force and someone who is seen as not having any agenda other than the president’s,” he said.

Intensely loyal, Miers is happy to stay off the radar screen as long as her boss is happy…

Actually, this announcement gave me a pretty good laugh this morning.

“Miers, who has never been a judge, has been leading the White House effort to help Bush choose nominees to the Supreme Court.”

So, the person in charge of the search found…..a mirror.

Sound familiar?

July 25, 2000: “Cheney, who has spent the past several weeks conducting Bush’s search for a running mate, emerged as the front-runner for the position late Friday.”

Must be nice!

Mr. President, you’ve put me in charge of finding the most qualified person for this position. And I have succeeded. I’m pretty sure it’s me. And being the ethical, scrupulous Republican that I am, you can trust me when I say that I have exhausted all other avenues. I’m the only one for the job! Go me!